The 99th Platoon
by gappap
Summary: FINALLY FINISHED Sarge and the boys are off on a mission. A mission that could be their last. Rated PG13 for gory scenes & crude language. A different fic being that it was written by many but it is I that am to write up the story of The 99th platoon
1. Meet the boys

The 99th Platoon  
  
(A/N This whole story was written up at gamefaqs.com by a group of people working together. We all had our say in the story. Since I started it off I've decided to write it up. Right now I'm sifting through the posts trying to string it together. This is only the introductory chapter so it is a tad tedious. Things will get better though, I promise you that)  
  
Chapter 1: Meet the boys  
  
A lone figure sat in an untidy office late one night. The only light came from a small, dim, desk lamp on the table and from occasional flashes of lightening through the window. The rain had been falling heavily all night. He sat upright, corrected his posture, and continued reading through the file he was holding. The file read:  
  
Platoon #: 99  
  
Team:  
  
Sargeant Rico Rodriquez  
  
Age: 37  
  
Biography: ……  
  
"I don't need to read about myself," muttered Sargeant Rico. He turned the page.  
  
Private Oreos  
  
Age: 19  
  
Biography: Ranked first in his class. His extremely high scores resulted in the creation of a new training grade: A.A.A. (Triple A) A highly trained but inexperienced soldier. Fast reaction times in combination with the above skills makes him suitable for the mission. Weapon of choice- K7 Avenger.  
  
Private Chael  
  
Age: 24  
  
Biography: An intelligent soldier with a vengeful history. He took to explosives to express his rage and anger. Skilled in long-range weapons both mortar and scoped. His expertise in demolition and explosives makes him suitable for the mission. Weapon of choice- Quote-Anything that goes boom-Unquote, Sniper rifle  
  
Private Percival  
  
Age: 22  
  
Biography: Not a full-fledged soldier. He was recruited because he is the best psychoanalyst the force has seen. After some training he is now suitable for the mission. Weapon of choice- Hunting knife  
  
Private Michael W.  
  
Age: 17  
  
Biography: He voluntarily signed up when he heard the mission details. Primarily a close range combat soldier, with some skill with assault rifles and sniper rifles. Weapon of choice: Chainsaw  
  
Private Stealth  
  
Age: 25  
  
Biography: A private sent from special ops. Has taken part in similar situations before. Works as a ninja. His stealth and spy capabilities made him suitable for the mission. Weapon of choice: Katana  
  
Private Cartman  
  
Age: 18  
  
Biography: A bizarre character with a foggy past. Has a nasty knack for coming late to anything. Often referred to as "The Back-Up Man". He is one of the reserves that will leave with you. The others reserves shall meet up with you at the target location. Weapon of choice: Twin uzis  
  
Private Gores  
  
Age: 22  
  
Biography: Also known as Pyst, a name he earned at boot camp. A good loyal soldier who has the unfortunate tendency to snap into an extremely dangerous, trigger-happy state of mind. Useful to have on your side in a fight. Expert in heavy rifles and rocket propelled weapons. Weapon of choice: Rocket launcher  
  
Private Squeaky  
  
Age: 13  
  
Biography: Despite his age he is an eager, daring and co-operative soldier. Never questions orders. He will follow out an order to the letter. Has advanced pyrotechnic skills. Weapon of choice: Flamethrower  
  
Private Flatfeet  
  
Age: 19  
  
Biography: He was pulled into the war by a fake jury duty notice. Even though co-incidence brought him to the squad his skills will be valuable. Part of the reserves along with Cartman. Weapon of choice: Assault rifle  
  
Private Viper  
  
Age: 25  
  
Biography: This teams assassin. He was a mercenary in the last war and signed up towards the end. His experience is larger than that of some of the other team members. He volunteered for the mission, not stating any motives. Quiet and deadly he is the perfect killer. Weapon of choice: Scythe  
  
Private Warclat  
  
Age: 26  
  
Biography: A tediz who switched sides in the first war. Increased computer hacking skills gave him the nickname of WWW. In the first war he let his beliefs guide him. He assassinated his leader and swore allegiance to the squirrel leaders. He can operate various war-mechs, easily hacking into their security systems and assuming full control. Weapon of choice: Chainsaw  
  
Private Ender  
  
Age: 20  
  
Biography: This soldier has brought outdated methods of combat into the next century. He trained for many years in the woods in Mexico, perfecting his aim with his bow and arrow. He has reached such a level that the bow and arrow has now been added to our armouries. His new style of fighting will catch the enemy off guard. Weapon of choice: Bow and Arrows  
  
Private CuMiT  
  
Age: 16  
  
Biography: Metal slug operator. Though only 16, scrawny and short he can man a tank like no other private in his year. His main artillery consists of heavy weapons, not including explosive weapons. He shall be dropped off at the target by a bomber and shall meet you with his vehicle on site. Weapon of choice: Heavy machine gun  
  
Private Gamer  
  
Age: 17  
  
Biography: Sent to the army because he couldn't be sent to prison. He has a wild and dangerous style of driving that, besides almost sending him to prison, was channelled properly in the military. He turned out to be the finest and most dangerous vehicle operator in these last five years. Weapon of choice: Twin Magnums  
  
Sarge flipped the file closed, stood up and scratched himself. He was a squirrel who was getting on with his life and happy with what he had done with it. He had been in the military since he was 18 years old. A grey squirrel with a broad, barrel chapped chest who spoke in a deep, husky voice that demanded authority. Medals strewn across his chest meant one could easily see he had a place in the military. He sighed.  
  
"You'd think nineteen years in the army would mean something to those pen pushing big wigs…a mission as crucial as this and I get rookies," he turned off the desk light and walked to his bedroom. He was still muttering about the system when he fell asleep. 


	2. Rain, rain, go away...

The 99th Platoon  
  
(A/N I managed to scrape up enough time to write up chapter 2. This chapter is slightly more interesting than chapter 1 but the story is still in the beginning. Bear with me here.)  
  
Chapter 2: Rain, rain, go away…  
  
Fourteen figures of varying shapes and sizes stood in the mud as the rain pelting down in buckets. It still hadn't stopped from the night before. Sarge stood in front of the row of soldiers. His eyes passed along each member of the squad. Cold, wet and standing in the mud they still stood at complete attention. Sarge opened his mouth and yelled above the raging storm around them.  
  
"Gentlemen! We have a situation! That fuck ass legless professor's twin brother, a weasel so diabolical, so... er… diabolical...wait I already... fuck that shit look we gotta get a team together and storm the enemy base which is chock fulla those scum suckin' professors creations, the Komiz, which are utterly diabolical...oh fuck that word! Anyway Komiz are the next line of Tediz. There 110% more diabolical...Jeebus not that fuck again! Just imagine Tediz on steroids and you've got Komiz. Anyway as I was saying we gotta get into the enemy base, eliminate all opposition with STEALTH, I repeat STEALTH FULLY, and grab Conker the Squirrel, our king, whom the professor has captured in hopes of ruining our newly found peace. This evil must be stopped! Privates follow me!" With this he turned around and marched into the briefing room. The platoon followed.  
  
"Well..." spoke Sarge as he laid out a complicated map over a table full of beer bottles and beaver magazines. "...er...shit...um...pay no attention to those, soldiers! Anyway hopefully you've understood the purpose of our mission and are willing to help out. You're all brave soldiers and courageous and er...courageous and…fuck that shit... lets just get started already! Soldiers, ten-hut! Follow me to the Armouries," with that the platoon marched back out into the rain and into the armouries. The team was getting slightly annoyed to say the least.  
  
Once in the Armouries Sarge turned to face his platoon again.  
  
"Soldiers this is a very crucial and....crucial... erm...crucial part of the mission. You shall now pick your weapons and your choice is going to affect the flow of this mission...crucially... crucially? Where the hell did I get that? Anyway your firearm, privates, is your best friend in your time in service. Look after it like it was your kid. And its costly so don't lose it or those pen pushin' big wigged sons of a bitches are gonna give me hell! Alright choose your weapons and let's get goin' already!" Saying this he picked up a sniper rifle, a shotgun, a grenade clip and a med pack, shoving them in his backpack.  
  
"O.K. boys, time to kiss your asses goodbye and good luck..."  
  
The platoon grabbed their weapons and ran out to the military plane that would take them to the island. But as private CuMiT was scrambling out the Armoury doors…  
  
"Private!" barked Sarge.  
  
"Sir?" came the reply from the shorter-than-the-average-squirrel.  
  
"You CuMiT? As in capital see. Little you. Capital em. Little eye. Capital tee?"  
  
"Sir yes sir,"  
  
"That's how it's spelt?"  
  
"Written like that on my birth certificate sir,"  
  
"Oh. But that's beside the point. Private your ride is over there," he motioned towards a smaller helicopter, "You and your slug will meet up with us on the coast. Got that?"  
  
"Sir, yes sir!" said the private, waddling over to the helicopter. Sarge ran into the military plane that held the other members of the platoon and slammed the door shut.  
  
"MOVIN' OUT!" he yelled to the pilots.  
  
The soldiers were soaking wet from the sheet rain that was pouring down outside and packed like sardines in a box too small to fit one sardine, but still there were no complaints as they buckled up. The pilots started up the plane. The engines roared into life and the plane took off headed to what might be ultimate destruction...  
  
After sometime in the air the rain continued to fall while the planes two tiny windscreen wipers wiped off sheet water only to have it poured back down again. Sarge stood up and addressed the platoon.  
  
"Okay team. This is it. There's no turning back now. You have signed an invisible contract that is binding in everyway. At this precise moment in time we are flying towards enemy airspace. We shall hope our presence is undetected. We shall fly close to the coast were our plane is gonna get us as close as possible to land. There we shall drop down the rafts and paddle across the rest of the way. Our ride shall leave us and we shall be alone. I've got two pieces of advice for you. One. Don't let your weapons out of your sight. Two. Remember be QUIET at all times, don't stuff up and get us all killed. Three. Wait I said two didn't I? Shit. Anyway...Three things... Three. If you are captured DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT tell those Komiz bastards ANYTHING that will jeopardize the mission. Hopefully we'll be able to come and get you outta there before they torture you to death,"  
  
Sarge stared blankly into space. "I shouldn't have said that," he thought.  
  
"Erm... here are your radios that will be used for long distance transitions," He tossed a radio to each soldier.  
  
Suddenly the pilot yelled out from the cockpit.  
  
"Sir we've been…"  
  
*GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA*  
  
Soon after the firing was heard a dozen holes appeared in the floor of the plane. "…spotted," muttered the pilot as he slumped into his chair. Dead.  
  
"SHIT! Sir they got Jones!" yelled the co pilot as he grabbed the planes controls.  
  
"Get your heads down privates!" yelled Sarge his voice piercing the sound of a second volley of fire.  
  
*GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA*  
  
'Is everyone okay?" he yelled.  
  
"Sir yes sir!" yelled the platoon. The co pilot was yelling into a radio.  
  
"Mayday, mayday this is the co pilot onboard flight Alpha Zulu Niner Niner. We are under attack; I repeat we are under attack. Our location is..."  
  
*GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GA KABOOM*  
  
"What the heck happened?" Sarge yelled, bullet holes decorating the interior of the plane.  
  
"We just lost our left engines! I can't control her! We're going down!"  
  
"Brace yourselves privates!"  
  
The plane has tilted downwards. Through the cockpit the island was visible, as was the turret gun that had been firing. The chopper sped towards the island, the coast rushing closer all the time. A bullet suddenly pierced the cockpit hitting the co pilot in the arm. He involuntarily jerked the controls towards the left, toward the dense jungle growth. The trees have filled all view. Impact was imminent.  
  
"Oh brother..." murmured Sarge  
  
*BOOOOOM*  
  
(A\N See?! I told you it'd get better. NOW the action part starts!) 


	3. Get, get, down, down, down, du-down

The 99th Platoon  
  
(A/N Here's the long awaited 3rd chapter. The action begins from this point onwards. It's longer than the last two)  
  
Chapter 3: Get, get, down, down, down, du-down  
  
A grey squirrel stood alone in the dense undergrowth of the island. He dusted himself off and checked if his backpack was in one piece. The crash had hurled all the platoon members in different directions. Chael pushed back his long fringe and looked down at his body.  
  
"Yep. All vital body parts are still there," having said this he slung his pack over his back and started trekking towards what he hoped was an the way out of the forest.  
  
About a hundred metres away Viper, a tall, thin and dark looking squirrel, was slapping Percival awake. Percival, a rather intelligent looking squirrel, stood up and looked around. Sitting next to him was "Squeaky", the youngest in the platoon, Michael, a joker squirrel who constantly wore a wide grin and "Flatfeet", a stocky and well-built squirrel. Percival stood up.  
  
"Damn! Who was drivin' that bird?" remarked Michael as they all marched out of the clearing they were in.  
  
Privates Ender and Cartman had just recovered from the crash and were quite jumpy and nervous. Ender, a squirrel that had a twinkle in his wide eyes constantly, had his bow and arrow at the ready. Cartman, a slightly tubby squirrel, had his twin uzis fully armed and loaded. Suddenly without warning a figure flipped out from the bushes. Ender let his arrow fly but before it reached the figure it was severed in two. The figure landed. He was not dressed in standard military attire but looked more like…  
  
"A ninja?" asked Cartman.  
  
"Call me Stealth," he grinned, "C'mon lets get going,"  
  
CuMiT was manning his tank as he drove along the coastline. He and his MetalSlug had been dropped seconds after the main plane had been attacked. He feared the worst for the platoon. CuMiT was a squirrel below the average medium of height. But he was no push over. His hair flying around in the light breeze, that had picked up after the end of the storm, above his blue bandana and with his tank CD playing "Born to be Wild" he felt good, besides the fact that he was behind enemy lines.  
  
"Born to be WIIIIII-AY-ELD!" howled his tank. A squirrel burst out of the bushes near the shore.  
  
"I'd know that song anywhere!" yelled Gores. He ran up to CuMiT. He shared CuMiT's wild, psychotic look. He grinned.  
  
"Space for two?" he said. CuMiT gave him a high five.  
  
"Hop in Pyst!"  
  
"Hey does this love buggy have hardcore rock and roll?"  
  
"Gamer! Hey Gamer!" yelled out Sarge as he stepped into the clearing where Private Gamer stood checking his pack. Gamer stood up at attention.  
  
"At ease," Gamer relaxed, "You Gamer?" asked Sarge. Gamer nodded. "What's your first name boy?"  
  
"Sir, N64, sir," replied Gamer, a squirrel with a dangerous, sarcastic look about him.  
  
"CuMiT and now N64? Jee wiz…" sniggered Sarge. Behind them a rustle was heard in the bushes. A Tediz walked out. Sarge and Gamer drew their weapons.  
  
"Hold it right there buddy!" barked Sarge. Then he noticed the backpack on the Tediz's back.  
  
"Private Warclat reporting. Sir," spoke the Tediz using perfect English. The Tediz saluted. Sarge had a sceptic look on his face, as he looked at the sideways stitched mouth, the black button eyes and the sewing visible at the arms and legs. But his eyes were different to the cold, blank eyes of the average Tediz. They looked humane. Sarge grinned at this new recruit.  
  
"Let's move it out, you too private Warclat," he said still chuckling to himself. Gamer looked at Warclat with a mixture of rage and confusion on his face.  
  
"Please, call me WWW," said WWW.  
  
As the different groups were walking their radios sprung into life.  
  
*FFFF-shiiiit*  
  
"Team, this is private Chael. I've made it out of the jungle and to the rocky beach on the eastern side of the island. So far it seems I have not been seen. No entrance has been found from this side so I will continue to the rear of the base. I will resume radio contact whenever I have reached my destination. Private Chael out"  
  
"I heard ya Chael. We're on our way to meet up with you at the rear end of the island. Stay undetected for as long as possible. The rest of you privates hurry up, the Komiz are gonna sweep the wreckage site soon and you don't wanna be there when that happens. This is Sarge over and out."  
  
*FFFF-shiiiit*  
  
The soldiers had met up at the rear end of the base and were debating their next move, while not that far away on a hill lay an unconscious Oreos. His face looked intelligent, like it was on constant alert even in his unconscious. His eyes snapped open.  
  
"Oww...who was the pilot?" He sat up and decided to use his position to his advantage. He took a pair of binoculars out and scanned the area.  
  
*FFFF-shiiiit*  
  
"Private Oreos? This is Sarge, can you reply? Over."  
  
"Sarge, I'm scanning the area and all's quiet, almost too quiet...I'll come find you guys the second I'm done up here. Hey, I can see you from here...OH FUCK! Sarge, Percival, Chael, look out behind you!"  
  
*FFFF-shiiiit*  
  
"What, what, what?" Sarge spun around with his sniper rifle at the ready. "Oreos, are you fucking with me boy? Or did you really see something?" he yelled into his radio.  
  
"Sir there was definite movement sir!" came the reply.  
  
"All right. Gores comes with me, yeah you private. Private Chael, keep working on getting us in. You are the explosives master right? Oreos get your ass over here now that you've scared the shit outta all of us. The rest of you wait for us to get back. Stealth you're in charge if anything happens." Sarge and Pyst walked into the jungle behind the platoon. Oreos started to trek towards the others.  
  
Sarge and Pyst walked slowly towards the "intrusion". Pyst was behind Sarge.  
  
*rustle, rustle*  
  
"What was that?" asked Pyst.  
  
"I don't know private," said Sarge putting away his sniper rifle and taking out his shotgun. "All I know is, I feel better with this baby close..." They continued to walk through the trees.  
  
*ooo...sebayou*  
  
"Shit! Get down private!" They both fell to the soil as sniper fire flew over their heads. "Lets move it gogogogogogo GO! Who's in the best position to clear out these snipers?!" he yelled into his radio as he and Pyst ran for their lives through the trees, dodging constant fire. "Oh no…" whispered Sarge.  
  
They had just run into a large and wide clearing. Three red laser beams flashed across the field and locked onto the soldiers.  
  
"Private" said Sarge.  
  
"Sir?" replied Pyst.  
  
"RUN!"  
  
They began running wildly in circles trying to dodge bullets. Sarge was yelling into his radio.  
  
"Get these snipers offa our asses PRONTO!"  
  
Upon hearing Sarge's yell over the radio Chael grabbed his sniper rifle and ran towards the hill Oreos was previously on. He quickly set up his rifle, as he swept frantically over the treetops looking for the snipers.  
  
*FFFF-shiiiit*  
  
"Hurry up boy!"  
  
*FFFF-shiiiit*  
  
Chael had broken out into a sweat. They were too well hidden. He was searching from area to area, his breathing growing faster.  
  
*FFFF-shiiiit*  
  
"Chael, my man, like NOW!" yelled Pyst  
  
*FFFF-shiiiit*  
  
There they were! Chael aimed and…fired.  
  
Pyst had just tripped over a log. The three lasers had locked on to him.  
  
*Bzzzzing, bzzzzing, bzzzzing*  
  
Three headless tediz fell from the treetops dead.  
  
"Cuttin' it a little close ain't we Chael?" jeered Pyst. He and Sarge ran back to the platoon, as did Chael.  
  
The others were hearing the yells over the radio and were all in a large sweat when the three soldiers showed up. They all breathed a sigh of relief. Flatfeet walked over to them.  
  
"Sir the Komiz guarding the rear entrance is about to change shifts. He'll be gone for a minute or two giving us enough time to enter the base," he reported. Sarge looked over at CuMiT in his tank.  
  
"Nice to see you here private, did you have a pleasant flight?" sneered Sarge.  
  
"Sir, yes sir," came CuMiT's response.  
  
"Okay. Lets do it," said Sarge. They crouched in their little alcove in the rocks by the entrance and waited. During this time Percival was looking constantly at one large rock in front of them. He appeared to be muttering to himself and his eyes were darting all over the rock.  
  
"Hey! What you doin' man?" asked Squeaky. Percival shook his head.  
  
"Can't be," he muttered.  
  
"What?" asked Squeaky.  
  
"Well, if you put all these markings together in the right combination it reads: Conker is here. You are here. You will be here. And then there's some sort of map underneath."  
  
"Looks like a rock to me," said Cartman.  
  
"Yeah man you just gotta relax," said Ender. Two seconds later the ground literally opened up beneath them and sent them sliding down, down below… 


	4. Send in the clones

The 99th Platoon  
  
(A/N Nope. None. Zero. Nuda. Nothing. Zilch. Etc. Except that I noticed that I didn't put any type of legal disclaimer and the like so I'm putting one now: I DO NOT own Conker, Sarge, Rodent, the legless professor, the Squirrels, the Tediz and about everything else that appeared in CBFD. I DO own the Komiz, as they are my very own concept, the name "The 99th platoon" and the squirrel's CHARACTERS, NAMES, and PERSONALITY are owned by their respective living counter parts. Umm this story is my own property this may not be copied, sold (yeah as if) etc etc unless you ask me first. You may not start up your own platoon story without my consent. I own the string. Use the title or any of the concepts without asking and I'll castrate you or worse. Okay. That should do. Sorry if that's a bit harsh but I like to have all my bases covered.)  
  
Chapter 4: Send in the clones  
  
The platoon consisting of fourteen Squirrels and one Tediz slid down the sloped ramp down towards the dark and damp. It was obviously uncomfortable.  
  
"Get you elbow outta my eye shrimp!"  
  
"That's not me dickhead that's Squeaky,"  
  
"Who you calling dick head?"  
  
"Asshole,"  
  
"Prick,"  
  
"You know if this wasn't happening to me I'd be laughing"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Whoever's finger is in my nostril be sure its gonna get broken the second I get out of this mess,"  
  
"Oh God. Is that what that mushy thing was,"  
  
"No. You don't wanna know what that is,"  
  
"OW!"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"I think I slammed in to that piece of scrap metal!"  
  
"You callin' my tank scrap metal?"  
  
"Yeah. What are you gonna do about it shorty?"  
  
"Is that you Cartman? You better hide. You just wait till we…"  
  
"SHUT UP THE LOT OF YA!" yelled Sarge over the constant bickering. As he did so he felt solid, and flat, earth underneath him. He instinctively rolled out of the way as he new what was coming…  
  
*thump. Th- Th- Th- Th- Th- Th- Th- Th- Th- Th- Th- Th-THUMP*  
  
Squeaky sat on top of the hill of Squirrels grinning.  
  
"Hey that wasn't so…"  
  
*TWANG*  
  
CuMiT's tank had just decided to "drop in". Sarge stared at this pitiful mound of rookies. Shakily at first the team managed to stand up and forget past grievances…sort of.  
  
"So I gotta relax hey Ender. Riiiiiight. Well don't say I didn't tell you so…" mocked Percival. Ender pouted. WWW could be seen trying to break Oreos' fingers.  
  
"I always keep my word…" he muttered.  
  
"Yeah whatever," muttered Oreos as he tried to break out of WWW's grip. He failed.  
  
"Don't be so sure of yourself next time," WWW said calmly as he let go, "That's a lesson that I had to learn the hard way."  
  
Just as Sarge was going to regroup the troops again when a slow, but steadily increasing in loudness, sound resonated through the underground. Pyst, who had gone to take a leak in a tunnel, came running back at top speed with his zip still open. The group stared at him.  
  
"WE GOT HOSTILES AT 3 O'CLOCK!!!!" he screamed as he ran for his rocket launcher. At this word a VERY LARGE group of what had to be Komiz appeared. They where similar, if not identical, in appearance to Tediz but they were around Sarge's build. They were all armed in an assortment of weapons ranging from AK-47s to chainsaws. The platoon armed itself. Sarge grabbed his shotgun.  
  
"Gentlemen," he said as he armed his shotgun.  
  
*shick-CLICK*  
  
"ATTACK!" With this the Komiz ran towards the platoon, guns ablaze and knives flashing. The came with fury but not with out of control fury, like the Tediz, these Komiz were smart, cool and in control. Sarge shoved his shotgun into the mouth of a Komiz totting DD-44s.  
  
"Is lead slug your favourite flavour?" he asked the Komiz seconds before he pulled the trigger, the blood like stuffing billowing onto the floor as the lifeless machine fell dead. He grabbed a grenade and took the pin out with his mouth.  
  
"Soldiers you better get outta there NOW!"  
  
The platoon leapt out of the throng in time as the grenade exploded smearing the walls with yellow coloured lining and the occasional Komiz hand.  
  
Percival and Stealth were right in the middle of the ambush fighting in extreme close combat.  
  
"Stealth! DUCK!" yelled Percival. Stealth ducked missing the knife blow from a sneaky Komiz.  
  
"Thanks Percival!" yelled Stealth as he flipped behind the Komiz and sliced his head clean from his neck. Percival was delivering rapid slices with his hunting knife slicing throats and tearing stuffing. Stealth was in a rage delivering fatal blows to all the Komiz that faced him. But they were fighting a losing battle. They were being forced, by endless onslaught, into a corner where they would not have the manoeuvring space they'd need.  
  
*swoooing*  
  
The sound was so silent that even the ninja didn't hear it. A scythe literally sliced through the ring of Komiz and left them writhing on the floor. Viper stood behind them his scythe dripping Komiz blood.  
  
"Wow! It slices and dices and its only a dollar ninety nine!" yelled Michael as he and WWW ran over both their chainsaws smeared with Komiz guts and fluff.  
  
"You know the bear hear fights okay for a Tediz," commented Michael.  
  
*BazWING*  
  
WWW threw his chainsaw at the crawling Komiz on the floor that was reaching for an assault rifle. It shrieked as it was mauled into little pieces. Viper grinned. He spoke for the first time.  
  
"You're ok Tediz," the five of them ran back into the Komiz dodging constantly.  
  
Meanwhile behind a rock Chael had set up his sniper rifle and was searching for anyone in trouble. He was watching CuMiT, Pyst and Squeaky blasting and burning away at thing and having the time of they're lives. Squeaky would set a Komiz on fire and the either CuMiT or Pyst would blow it up. All three were laughing manically.  
  
He then saw Flatfeet and Cartman pumping Komiz after Komiz with bullets.  
  
"Eat lead ya stinkin' bastard!" yelled Cartman as he unloaded both his clips into one Komiz. Flatfeet was more conservative with his ammo, selecting a target and pumping bullets into the chest and head, shredding it effectively enough to know that it's dead.  
  
Ender was perched on top of a high rock he found. He reached for an arrow, placed it in the sling and released it with perfect accuracy. The Komiz turned just in time to avoid it. He looked up at Ender and laughed. Soon four arrows had pinned him to the wall. Ender calmly and quietly armed a grenade and attached it to an arrow. Soon the only things on the wall were five arrows and a large mess.  
  
"Nice going Ender!" yelled Gamer as Sarge, Oreos and himself were strategically blasting away at opponents with their heavy artillery. Soon the three of them had been lost in the crowd and continued to roll, doge and blast.  
  
"Darn it! They won't give up will they!" yelled Sarge in frustration as Komiz after Komiz entered the cave. A Komiz wielding a katana leapt in front of him. He aimed the bun at the stuffed beast's chest and grinned.  
  
"See you in hell,"  
  
*click*  
  
"Huh?"  
  
*click-click-click*  
  
"Shoot," the Komiz grinned and twirled, blade outstretched, as Sarge ducked. The Komiz managed to slice out a nice piece of arm.  
  
"OOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!"  
  
"Ow what?" asked Chael. His sight fell upon Sarge and the Komiz.  
  
"Shit!" he fired and the Komiz was hit in the neck. Blood gushed out as he fell and impaled himself on his own sword. Sarge crawled into the corner and used his med kit to bandage his arm.  
  
Suddenly.... everything stopped. As quickly as the fight started, all the Komiz disappeared, leaving the platoon at a loss for breath and startled. Some soldiers searched amongst the dead Komiz for some more ammo while others patched themselves up with their med kits.  
  
"Sir?" asked Percival.  
  
"Private,"  
  
"Sir, I do not like this sudden lack of hostility, it too quiet. Something is wrong sir." Most of the platoon agreed with Percival and they all stood alert ears and noses twitching.  
  
*thump*  
  
"D'you guys hear that?" asked Sarge. Some soldiers nodded; some did not.  
  
*thump*  
  
"What the heck? Did you feel that?" asked WWW. The platoon began murmmering amongst themselves.  
  
"Shhh! Shuddap! I'm listening!" ordered Sarge.  
  
"Ah Sir? This may not be the right time..." muttered Oreos.  
  
"Soldier didn't I just tell you to shuddap?"  
  
"Yes sir but..."  
  
"So shuddap boy!"  
  
"But sir! There's an opening back here that we didn't see sir!"  
  
"What and are you saying that noise is coming from..."  
  
Out of the opening behind them burst out something that was not of this world but not unfamiliar.  
  
"Heinrich!" yelled Sarge. The 3 meter tall black alien stood on its four clawed feet, tail swishing, jaw dripping with drool. Without warning he twisted his head and clamped his trap like jaws on Oreos' foot.  
  
"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!" yelled Oreos.  
  
"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWRRRRRR" growled Heinrich. He sprung back into the dark cave with Oreos dangling from the beasts mouth.  
  
"Oh My Giddy Aunt!" yelled Sarge, "Snipers!" Chael whipped out his rifle as did Sarge and they shot at the retreating back of the monster. "Boy he's one unlucky guy, seein' ambushes everywhere and then this," thought Sarge; "Lets get Oreos!" he barked. The platoon ran into the cave… 


	5. Saving Private Oreos

The 99th Platoon  
  
(A/N You may be wondering why chapter 4 is called "Attack of the Clones"; you're going to find out why, right now)  
  
Chapter 5: Saving Private Oreos  
  
…Only to be chased back out by Heinrich snarling, spitting and biting.  
  
"You guys up for another round?" yelled Sarge. Pyst grinned. CuMiT started up the tank engine. Squeaky's eyes lit up, as did his flamethrower. CuMiT placed a CD in the tanks CD player.  
  
"…From the day I was born *babeongbabung* I was bad to the bone *babeongbabung* bbbbbbbbaaaaaad *babeongbabung* bbbbbbbbaaaaaad *badangdadingdadingdadingdadungdadadung*"  
  
Gamer and Flatfeet, the only two not recruited by their own choice, gave the trio a sarcastic look. Michael started up his chainsaw.  
  
"BBBBAAAAADDDDD!!!!" he yelled as he ran towards the drooling alien. Heinrich lashed out with his whip-like tail and slammed Michael into the cave wall. Blood was gushing out of his nose, as he lay unconscious. The music stopped abruptly as they realised that they were seriously in very, very, deep…  
  
"Shit," swore Cartman. In an instant the platoon of 14 Squirrels and a Tediz was on full assault. Pyst readied his missile launcher and fired. The missile hit Heinrich in the right shoulder but it barely made the beast flinch. Heinrich growled at Pyst and narrowed his eyes.  
  
"This is gonna hurt in the morn-'" he manage to say before a pair of strong and sharp claws flung him across the room. He fell into the dirt face down breathing a small sigh of relief at the fact that he landed relatively softly.  
  
*WHU-PF*  
  
Heinrich had leaped onto Pyst's back and was attempting to use the weight of his body to crush Pyst.  
  
"Somebody go get Pyst, I'll cover you!" screamed Chael firing small, accurate bullets at the creatures eyes. Ender ran behind Heinrich and climbed up onto his neck.  
  
"Chael if you shoot me I swear I'll kick you ass!" shouted Ender as he got out a titanium-tipped arrow which he used to plunge again and again into Heinrich's neck.  
  
"What don't you trust him?" replied Stealth as he rolled under Heinrich and began delivering knife blows while all the while dodging the stamping feet around him. Heinrich began to feel tickling sensations at his belly and neck. They bothered him and he decided it would be best to attack these annoying little grey creatures rather than this pitiful, half dead one. He stepped off of Pyst and whirled around throwing off Ender and Stealth into the surrounding darkness.  
  
Chael was looking through his scope when the two flying squirrels slammed into him rendering all three senseless. Percival crept towards the stunned Pyst and dragged him into safety.  
  
Sarge, Flatfeet and Cartman stood in a circle around Heinrich and were firing at his oversized head. The rapid machine gun fire irritated Heinrich, but the shotgun and assault rifle were beginning to hurt. He turned to face Sarge and Flatfeet. He opened his jaws wide and…slammed them shut on the rotating chainsaw of WWW.  
  
"GRRRROOOOOAAAAARRR!!!" roared Heinrich, his roar reverberating around the cave. He lashed out and WWW had a 12-inch gash along his arm that was bleeding badly, Flatfeet was in no better condition. Sarge had managed to leap behind a rock outcropping and avoided behind mauled.  
  
"How the heck are we gonna get outta this one?"  
  
---Mean while elsewhere---  
  
Oreos had started waking up. His vision was blurry but he appeared to be in a holding cell of some sort.  
  
"Oh...my head...man, what happened? I better not be where I think I am..." he voiced to no one. Or did he?  
  
"And it's worse than that, look who you've got for company," said a snarling voice.  
  
"YOU! I'd thought you'd manage to escape, we found no evidence of your death at all" Heinrich stepped out of the shadows. He grinned. He had no wounds whatsoever.  
  
"There's no escaping from the Tediz, as you and Mr. Sarge just found out. It's only a matter of time before they get them too,"  
  
"Wait a sec, you're the one who got me here!"  
  
"Pfff. I wouldn't waste my time. That wasn't me it was my clone,"  
  
"Clone?"  
  
"When the Tediz recovered me in space, they patched things up. Healed my tail, sharpened my claws, even took the liberty of cloning me. The one that got you was version 93.2. They've perfected the cloning procedures. Now the Tediz have another weapon against you. You might want to tell your…Sarge,"  
  
"Right," he searched himself for a radio. "Oh damn...they took my radio! Now the Sarge and the guys don't know about the clones!!! Oh shiii-"  
  
"Now, now, now lets hold our tongue. You know that might not even have been your Sarge. For all you know, you've already lost the war..."  
  
---5 minutes later---  
  
"So wait, where's the rest of my squad?"  
  
"They're probably fighting the clone right now...in the caves below us,"  
  
"And how long might that take Mr. Smarty-pants?"  
  
"They'll probably be killed,"  
  
"Well that just great. Just great! What am I suppose to do now?"  
  
"Up for a game of rock paper scissors?"  
  
"Do I have a choice?"  
  
"No"  
  
"Riiiiiiiight,"  
  
---Back in the caves---  
  
Squeaky and CuMiT lay stunned by CuMiT's badly damaged tank. WWW was trying to stitch up his arm and Flatfeet's at the same time. Stealth and Ender still lay unconscious, but Gamer had joined them too. Michael was snoozing and oozing and Pyst lay bruised and battered, not two meters away from where Sarge, the freshly conscious Chael, Percival and Cartman. Heinrich version 93.2 stood in the centre of the cave damaged but not showing any signs of slowing down  
  
"Okay men, listen up. Here's the plan…" Sarge whispered amongst the three squirrels. "Alright? Okay…3…2…umm…after two comes…oh yeah…1…LETS KICK SOME ALIEN ASS BOYS!"  
  
Chael in the meantime had whipped out a cake of soap, a match, baking soda and a battery from his pack, mixed them all together and had himself a nice little piece of C4 ready. On Sarge's word he dashed towards the surprised Heinrich and placed the C4 directly under his belly.  
  
"Boom," he muttered as he leapt into safety and the three-second fuse blew.  
  
"GGGRRRRROOOWWWRRR! NOW YOUR GGGRRREALLY PISSING ME OFF!" yelled Heinrich.  
  
"He speaks English?" asked Chael as Viper and Percival ran in now that the clone was in distress. Viper twirled his scythe in a circle round his body then with one swift movement…  
  
*KA-shwing*  
  
A large gash appeared on Heinrich's chest. Just as Heinrich was about to counter Percival threw two throwing knives at Heinrich's head. Heinrich was stunned for a few precious seconds. He swayed.  
  
"Sarge!" yelled Percival, "NOW WOULD BE GOOD!"  
  
Sarge had taken a pair of uzis from a dead Komiz. He leaped over the rock he was hiding behind.  
  
"YOU BASTARD GET AWAY FROM MY SQUAD!"  
  
All of Sarge's rage at the alien who had damaged most of his squad was in the trigger finger. His knuckles were white as he fired again and again at the alien clone.  
  
*tatatatatatatatatatata*  
  
"TAKE..."  
  
*tatatatatatatatatatata*  
  
"THAT..."  
  
*tatatatatatatatatatata*  
  
"YOU..."  
  
*tatatatatatatatatatata*  
  
"SON..."  
  
*tatatatatatatatatatata*  
  
"OF..."  
  
*tatatatatatatatatatata*  
  
"A..."  
  
*tatatatatatatatatatata*  
  
"BITCH!!!!!!"  
  
Heinrich fell down his body and skull filled with lead bullets. Sarge tossed away the now useless uzis and walked close to him. In a last desperate attempt Heinrich lashed out with his claws. Sarge easily dodged the feeble attack. He got out his shotgun and held it to Heinrich's head.  
  
"Sayonara sucker..."  
  
*ka-BLAM*  
  
Heinrich's head exploded his brains and other bodily fluids splattered on the wall.  
  
"Okay team! We don't have that much time," he pointed to the tunnel were Oreos was taken "Men one of our fellows is in there with some utterly diabolical...Oh brother...you know what? Who gives a shit about tactics? Rest up then lets go save Oreos!"  
  
After using med kits and grabbing extra ammo from the dead Komiz the team ran into the tunnel. Again. 


	6. As weak as we are divided...

The 99th Platoon  
  
(A/N This epoch on the boards was known as the "fecked up" epoch. I've done my best to post up only the stuff necessary. Bear with me here.)  
  
Chapter 6: As weak as we are divided…  
  
*dwip*  
  
The platoon was slowly walking through the tunnel that Heinrich had come out of. A trail of drool along the floor showed the path he had taken. Stealth led the way, pausing occasionally to search for the faint sliver of liquid.  
  
*dwip*  
  
The tunnel was reasonably high but the platoon was forced to walk in pairs due to the lacking width.  
  
*dwip*  
  
"This isn't good," thought Sarge as he walked at the rear, "in a situation like this anyone could just pop out of the shadows and grab you. The others wouldn't hear a thing would they?"  
  
*dwip*  
  
"I mean there had to be a bloody leak too," he thought to himself as drops of water splashed onto his helmet. He bent his head down to flick the water off and saw that his shoe was untied, he bent down to tie it.  
  
*dwip*  
  
Stealth had paused to check the ground again. The water was mixing with the dirt making a small layer of mud. Stealth frowned; he knew that the trial of drool would be harder to follow now. He looked at the fork ahead of him.  
  
"Squeaky?" he called. His voice echoed around the tunnel.  
  
*eaky… eaky… eaky… eaky…*  
  
A chill ran up and down Stealth's spine. Squeaky made his way to the front of the line.  
  
"T'sup?" asked Squeaky. Stealth looked down at the youngster.  
  
"Give us a light buddy will ya?"  
  
"Wait I don't smo…oh right I get ya. Stand clear," said Squeaky as he lifted the safety from his flamethrower. A small flame appeared at the edge of the flamethrower. Squeaky slowly squeezed the trigger and the flame grew stronger. The path was lit up. Stealth found what he was looking for lying in the mud. He bent over and grabbed a tuft of grey fur. He nodded, thanked Squeaky and continued down the right path.  
  
It went on for hours, a slow march only to be halted a few seconds later. The platoon was restless. CuMiT had the best situation; he had the tank in cruise mode and had loaded his pack in, while he walked easily next to it. Gamer who walked behind CuMiT eyed the unburdened Squirrel jealously. Flatfeet had a small passport sized photo of an extremely attractive Squirrel in his hand. He looked at it, kissed it and sighed.  
  
"Don't worry Cherry baby, I'll be back for dinner," he turned to Percival.  
  
"You know buddy you, me and Gamer are here against our will. How'd they get you in?" he asked Percival.  
  
"They found my, so to speak, skill very useful," was the reply.  
  
"What skill would that be?"  
  
"Profiling, psychoanalysis, the works. I've pretty much figured out everyone in the platoon, except for Viper."  
  
"He's a bit of a weird one. Man of few words."  
  
"Wow genius work that out on your own?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
After much whining, complaining and little annoying droplets of water Stealth stopped but for much longer than before. The platoon was staring down at their mud logged socks and shoes. WWW, who was incapable of ever wearing shoes, looked especially displeased. Stealth was in panic. A network of tunnels had suddenly opened up in front of him and he had just lost the trail. He was in trouble. He turned back.  
  
"Were lost aren't we?" Cartman sneered as he saw Stealth running to the back of the line.  
  
"Sarge I…" began Stealth. The platoon turned to see why he had stopped. Viper stepped forward and stood next to Stealth. Viper put his finger to his lips and slowly drew his scythe. He signalled to Stealth to come with him and that the others should stay.  
  
*dwip*  
  
They waited.  
  
*dwip*  
  
And waited.  
  
*dwip*  
  
And waited some more.  
  
*dwip*  
  
Pyst and CuMiT were playing "Scissors, paper, rock," to past the time.  
  
*dwip*  
  
After what seemed forever to the platoon Stealth and Viper returned with Sarge walking behind them. He looked distant and his eyes had the glaze of a drunk, rather than the intimidating look of a Sargeant.  
  
"Sarge what do we do?" asked Stealth.  
  
"Hmm? Come again?" was Sarge's answer. Michael rolled his eyes. Stealth asked the question again.  
  
"Okay how about, Ender and Squeaky take that one, WWW and Viper the one next to that, Pyst and CuMiT can take that one that's sort of centred. Flatfeet and Percival you guys go there. Cartman and Stealth with me over that a way…" and he continued to give out orders, but in a nonchalant way, as if he didn't care. When Sarge had finished they turned on their radios and went down their separate paths.  
  
--later on--  
  
"Hold on!"  
  
*Pa-TA-TATA-TATA Pa-TA-TATA-TATA Pa-TA-TATA-TATA*  
  
"Hurry up! Get ov- Ender! DUCK!"  
  
*DAGAGAGAGA*  
  
"Thanks Squeak!"  
  
*Fffff-liT*  
  
"Nice shot! NOW HELP ME OUT WILL YA?!?"  
  
"Its kinda hard to do that when…"  
  
*DIGIGIGIGIGIGIGIGIGIG*  
  
"Tediz are shooting at your ass,"  
  
"And it's hard to hold on to a cliff when you got Tediz firing at you too…"  
  
"Your so funny"  
  
*Fffff-liT*  
  
"3…2…1…"  
  
*KABOOM*  
  
"God bless the man that thought up of the grenade…"  
  
"Buddy, help? Like…NOW!"  
  
"Alright, alright, hold your pants on…"  
  
Ender's last grenade had removed the Tediz patrol they had met in the tunnels. He walked over to Squeaky who was hanging from the side of the cliff that had revealed itself seconds after they ran into the patrol. The Komiz-Tediz underground base was more than met the eye. Ender hauled Squeaky up and soon they both lay panting on the dirt path.  
  
"Ender?"  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"That was fun."  
  
"Lets never do it again."  
  
"I agree." They both burst out into fits of laughter, enjoying the relief that comes from cheating death. They got up, dusted themselves off and walked away chuckling.  
  
--else where in the base--  
  
"You're a quiet one aren't you?" asked WWW as he walked over the narrow stone bridge he and Viper had discovered. Viper said nothing.  
  
"I believe that communication is essential in the survival of a species, if the species is to grow, to advance," said WWW. Viper kept his eyes on the back of WWW's head and said nothing.  
  
"Because if you think about it…" started WWW. He turned his head to see Viper behind him. In this movement he lost his footing. He wobbled uncontrollably and then gravity did its work and WWW tilted towards the edge. Viper grabbed him by the wrist and helped him regain balance.  
  
"Thanks buddy," WWW wiped sweat off his forehead.  
  
"Don't call me buddy you freak."  
  
"What?"  
  
"How can you talk of "species" when you are not only an abomination, but you where CREATED! You aren't even supposed to be alive! You are a FREAK!" exploded Viper.  
  
"What did you call me?!" WWW lifted his arm into a striking position. Viper leaned towards the Tediz's face. He could see his face reflected in the black button eyes.  
  
"Freak," he whispered. The reaction was instant.  
  
WWW punched Viper hard in the nose. In retaliation Viper launched himself at WWW. They both rolled off onto the other side of the gap they were crossing. WWW was winded and Viper used this to his advantage. He flipped WWW towards the cliff edge and placed his knees on the Tediz's hands. Viper grabbed his fist and started pummelling WWW's face. Left, right, right, left, right…the blows continued. WWW spat in Viper's face. Viper was stunned. WWW lifted his legs from under Viper and kicked him square in the chest. Viper stood against the wall breathing deeply. WWW stood by the cliff.  
  
*Bbbbb-ZWING*  
  
The sniper bullet nailed WWW in the shoulder before he even heard the sound. He teetered on the cliff. WWW looked at Viper. Viper raised his paw to the blood that trickled out of his mouth. WWW's eyes grew wide. They showed confusion, realisation, fear and then…sadness. He began to fall.  
  
Viper grunted as he grabbed the Tediz for the second time. He pulled him over onto land by the scruff of the neck. Their eyes met. WWW suddenly understood why Viper had saved him. A man who avoids speech cares more for emotion from a person than of their appearance. They nodded and looked towards the two Komiz that were crossing the bridge. Viper sprung up and ran to the bridge. He got out his scythe and spun it over his head. A whirling blur of steel was all that could be seen. He brought it down over his shoulder.  
  
*kKKkRKRrRrRAAcCCCcckKKKKKkK*  
  
The bridge groaned at Vipers attack. Cracks and splits ran up and down it. The Komiz started to run back to safety.  
  
*eeeReEerRRRRRR-KAAAARRRRACK*  
  
The bridge gave way and the Komiz fell helplessly to their doom. Viper went to WWW.  
  
"You have much to learn my friend. But first you must find yourself," muttered Viper. He then fell silent again.  
  
--somewhere else--  
  
"This is not good!" CuMiT said as he grabbed is radio. "All units! All units! Guys! We have a problem. I just snuck past some kind of hanger bay. The Komiz have some big @$$ weapons. They're Mech type robots about 15 or 20 feet tall, armed with enough fire power to splash a couple of armies...and then some. I've lost Pyst back in the caverns. Pyst, where the hell are you?"  
  
*Ffff-sshit*  
  
"Pyst here. I dunno where the hell I am! The platoon's a mess Sarge! Everyone's all split up! We better regroup, if the Komiz find one of our platoon, they are royally screwed!"  
  
"We've already met 'em! They aren't that hard eh Squeaky?"  
  
"Sir, I'm going to go find the Komiz's communications tower and radio HQ for air support. Wish me luck!"  
  
*Ffff-sshit-CLICK*  
  
"Good luck Pyst," said CuMiT.  
  
--Komiz Armoury--  
  
"Say you gave this job to, I don't know, twenty intelligent people. I mean what would that do?" asked the first Komiz.  
  
"Yes, yes, fascinating" replied the second.  
  
"Oh my-how the? It's one of those bloody squirrels!"  
  
"Quick, quick into character!"  
  
"So if I remember right we go left here aaaaan- oh crap."  
  
Chael had just walked into the armoury. The Komiz had grabbed a combat knife and ran towards Chael. He ran into the hallway. The Komiz followed.  
  
*KA-BOOM*  
  
*kabwit-wit-wit-blurrrg*  
  
The Komiz blood dripped off the wall. Chael slid over their remains towards the armoury entrance. A remote lay in his hand. He kissed it. Then he laid eyes on what he had discovered.  
  
"Thanks baby! Hey! What 'ave we got here? Oh ho ha! Hey what with the radio?"  
  
*Ffffsshhit*  
  
"Hello?"  
  
Chael's eyes widened. 


	7. The truth shall set you free

The 99th Platoon  
  
(A/N A bit short but it's necessary to the story so what else can I say to fill in this empty space here…aaaaanyway.)  
  
Chapter 7: The truth shall set you free  
  
The platoon, scattered all over the place as they were, simultaneously heard...  
  
*FFSSSSSSS*  
  
*CLICK*  
  
A raspy and hoarse voice rattled over the radio. The platoon could not understand who it was…  
  
"Hhhh...erhem...hello? Hello? Anyone there?" coughed the voice.  
  
With horror on all faces, Tediz and Squirrel alike they realised who was speaking to them. The voice was distant and the speaker paused often to cough or to breathe but they knew exactly who it was.  
  
"It's Sarge here... When we went through that tunnel...a band of four komiz ambushed me. They were too gg...too good for me. They took me to their..."  
  
Suddenly the voice was cut off. All the soldiers were listening to their radios, hearts pounding…  
  
*sooo, seebaju, oh oh niam niam nogihachi ur nak chaka chaka hye hye hye*.  
  
The squad realised where Sarge was. Some cursed under their breath, but one soldier found it in his guts to ask…  
  
"But sir then...who is the Sarge that's been with us all this time? Sir."  
  
"Shudap and let me do the talking boy. They took me to their laboratories where they... c...clONED me! They gave you the...clone. After that I was interrogated."  
  
His voice cleared as his determination to finish his message vaulted.  
  
"I said nothing to those MOTHER FUCKERS! But I've got good and bad news. First, the bad news. They have taken my weapons and I'm in a maximum- security cell. Now the good news. Conker and Oreos are with me. I've explained a plan to both Conker and Oreos. We are located in the highest level of the base. 5 Elite level Komiz are guarding the cell. The path leading here is guarded by a series of complex invisible lasers. We three have decided to simultaneously revolt, grab some weapons and make our move. Oreos and I shall keep the Komiz busy while Conker tries to turn off the lasers. You must be in position when this happens! When he does turn the lasers off you guys gotta get your asses in 'ere pronto! Get in here kill the bastards and then we MOVE. I heard these Komiz talking about the security in the room. It seems that if the sensors in the cell do not constantly pick up our three brainwave patterns the computer sends an electrical charge across the room killing everything. But also, and this is the good part, EXPLODING everything. This base is never gonna trouble our country again. This is where we really need your help. You, soldiers, must find and enter the armoury…"  
  
"Sir. The armoury is secured. Sir," grinned Chael.  
  
"Good job boys! All right! Soldiers this is a direct order. Go DIRECTLY to the armoury and grab as many explosives/weapons as you can carry. Now this is wishful thinking but is ANYONE near communications?  
  
"Sir, YES, Sir!" said Pyst also grinning stupidly at the thought of blowing stuff up.  
  
"Okay wire HQ and tell 'em we're bustin' outta here, and Conker's comin'! Then report to Chael in the armoury. Make your way to the top floor swiftly and STEALTHFULLY, last time we tried stealth we ended up blowing everythin' up…. Then wait for my signal. If you don't you'll end up fried by those lasers in more ways than you can count. Come in and IF we defeat these elite Komiz who are TUFF boys, so be on full alert. We all drop every single explosive we got and leave. We'll have 15 minutes after our breakout to be off this island before all hell blows loose. Hopefully HQ would've sent a chopper to pick up all of us by then. If not, well... Soldiers we fight our way offa this god forsaken island out of...the horror...THE HORROR of war to go back to our homes and our loved ones. Soldiers. Good luck. I'll radio ya when I believe you are ready. Godspeed gentlemen. Godspeed. Sarge, over and out."  
  
*FFSSSSSSS*  
  
Sarge hid his radio carefully on him and turned to face Oreos and Conker.  
  
"Well…now what'd we do?" asked Conker.  
  
"Is it gonna work Sarge?" asked Oreos.  
  
"I trust my men. I trust my platoon," replied Sarge.  
  
"Deep," mumbled Conker.  
  
"Did you practise that Sarge?" asked Oreos.  
  
"Yeah a little, did I rush it? Sounded like I rushed it," answered Sarge.  
  
"Nah it was okay, the coughing and wheezing stuff was a nice touch" commented Oreos.  
  
"Yeah I thought so too," smirked Sarge. 


	8. As strong as we are united...

The 99th Platoon  
  
(A/N This is it! The last chapter I need to write. After this it is all over. The 99th Platoon tells their tale and goes home. Rejoice! And R&R! Yes its short but for finally finishing this…I ain't picky!)  
  
Chapter 8: As strong as we are united…  
  
WWW and Viper were the first ones to reach the armoury. They packed explosives, grabbed fresh ammo clips and positioned themselves around the armoury door. They killed the occasional wandering Komiz. Their radios sprung to life.  
  
*Fffsi-CLICK*  
  
"Guys! This is Pyst. HQ is sending a transport to pick us up it'll be here in 15 minutes.... What the fu-"  
  
*BAM*  
  
*RATATATATATATATAT*  
  
"Son of a-"  
  
*RATATATATATATATAT*  
  
*BOOM*  
  
"Its the Mechs! They're blasting the Comm tower! Damnit! The radio frequency of the bomber is sixty f-"  
  
*Fsssssssshshhhhhhhh*  
  
--POW cell--  
  
Oreos held on to Sarge.  
  
"WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO TO US SARGE? WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO?" he whined.  
  
"Oh boy, here we go..."said Conker.  
  
"Pull yourself together man! I trust our squad, they'll rescue us, I'm positive of it..." said Sarge.  
  
"I hope they get to us, in time...we'll go insane, or starve from hunger..."  
  
"Listen, we can beat these damn Tediz, we just gotta outsmart them."  
  
"How do you plan on doing that? They got me and you and YOU Sarge! Wait a sec...HOW DO WE KNOW THIS IS THE REAL OREOS?!" yelled Conker.  
  
"Get HIM!" commanded Sarge. Conker tackled Oreos to the floor.  
  
"HEEEEEEELP!!!"  
  
--Back at the armoury--  
  
Most of the platoon had re-assembled. Pyst ran in bruised and bloodied. His bazooka was smoking and his crushed radio was in his paw.  
  
"I got 'em! The Mechs tried to get me but they couldn't touch this crazy baby! Hey CuMiT! Where ya been man you missed all the fun!" crowed Pyst. CuMiT ran up to him. They bashed heads like regular army buddies.  
  
Stealth drew his sword.  
  
"Lets get going shall we?" he ran out of the armoury.  
  
"Lets blow this place!" yelled Gamer.  
  
"No problem," said Chael. As the others ran down the hallway towards the flight of stairs Chael turned. He held out his remote.  
  
"I love my job."  
  
*Beep*  
  
*BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM*  
  
"You are on crazy son of a bitch Chael," laughed CuMiT.  
  
"Don't ever change," chortled Pyst.  
  
They ran up a flight of steps.  
  
And another.  
  
And another.  
  
And another.  
  
And another.  
  
"You guys go up ahead…I need a breather…too many weapons on me…" panted Cartman. Percival stood back as the others ran on ahead. Cartman threw away the twin uzis.  
  
The three D5K Deutch.  
  
The Phantom.  
  
The bazzoka.  
  
The nine grenade clips.  
  
The scoped magnum.  
  
The M35 heavy artillery shotgun.  
  
A set of throwing knives.  
  
Two hunting knives.  
  
"Anything else?" smirked Percival.  
  
"Yeah but I'll be okay now," replied Cartman as he waddled under the weight of the remaining weapons he was carrying. "I'll be there in a second!" he waddled.  
  
"Hurry up fat boy!" yelled Flatfeet. Cartman disposed of all the weapons except for his own twin uzis.  
  
"I'm coming already…shorty,"  
  
"Ooooo below the belt"  
  
They found little resistance to the POW cells.  
  
"Nice job back there Chael. Kept 'em busy alright," Commented WWW.  
  
"Thanks…now all we gotta do is wait for…" started Chael.  
  
*BAdadadadadadadadadadadada*  
  
"NO SHIGINI GAGAGAGAAA!!!" cackled the Komiz with the machine gun.  
  
*BADABABABABAB vvvvvvvvzzzzzzshBOOOOOOOMMM KABLAM KABLAM SHWING KAKASHWING sssSLASH whooowhoowhoooTING frrrrrLIT*  
  
"Ooooo…owies," mutered the Komiz as he fell to the ground hacked, shot, sliced and diced. CuMiT ran him over a few times with his, nearly destroyed, tank treads.  
  
"Just making sure,"  
  
Squeaky set the corpse on fire.  
  
"What he said."  
  
"Shhh shh! Shutup! The radios working!" said Stealth. The platoon walked close to Stealth.  
  
*crrrACKLE ffFFFFsshit* 


	9. Ass kicking time

The 99th Platoon  
  
(A/N Like chapter 7 a bit short but sweet. At least I think so. But hey who cares what you guys think anyway…( Nah just kidding please R&R)  
  
Chapter 9: Ass kicking time  
  
*BzzzT*  
  
"Okay soldiers. I hope you are in position and brought heaps of explosives...we gotta blow this whole place up with one big strike. And also we gotta...hey, hey, hey! Stop that Conker! It's the real Oreos okay? Boy...Sorry about that we got some trouble up here with all this cloning going around...Soldiers in exactly 5 minutes us three here are bustin' outta jail. If Oreos and I don't get shot in more ways than we can count before you can say boo...well, hopefully we can hold 'em off while conker slips to the controls and neutralises the laser filled hall. Then storm in here and gut the Komiz bastards. Then, if all goes well, we run outta here and go home. And...er...this might not be something that I wanna know the answer too boys but, the chopper is here right? Oh and I forgot to mention this but it was G-14 classified and so secretive…so secretive…wait I already…uh fuck that shit. I have a nuclear warhead the size of a fist on me. Intelligence gave it to me... This is how were gonna blast those diabolical...here we go again...brother. Basically what that means is...speed is the key gentlemen...and if that chopper isn't there then we are royally screwed. Okay privates get ready. In 5 minutes from now. Lets kick some fluffy ass."  
  
--5mins later--  
  
"Ready guys?" asked Sarge.  
  
"Sir yes sir" said Oreos.  
  
"Yeah what he said..." mumbled Conker.  
  
"Remember Conker. 5 mins." warned Sarge.  
  
"I got it okay?!" he yelled.  
  
"Okay. Do it oreos." Commanded Sarge.  
  
Oreos suddenly ran onto the cell door banging and screaming.  
  
"Come on let me out I'll tell you everything you wanna know! Just get me outta here!" he screamed.  
  
"What you doin' boy!? Don't betray your country you traitorous son of a..." yelled back Sarge.  
  
"I don't care! I don't care! Lemme out! Lemme out! I'm talking! C'mon!"  
  
The door suddenly opened and an elite Komiz blocked the doorway. Oreos pretended to walk towards the Komiz when Sarge attacked him from the side, and they both rolled outside of the cell. The sensors in the room instantly started humming. The Komiz taken off guard rolled outside, Sarge wrestling it, and smacked into two other Komiz who smacked into a safe, and their bulk cracked it open. The soldier's guns were in there. The two remaining Komiz rushed to the cell door only to be kicked square in the jaw by Oreos. Oreos rolled under the other Komiz legs and dashed to the safe. He grabbed Sarge's shotgun and shot the Komiz off him. He then tossed Sarge the gun.  
  
"Here ya go Sarge!" he yelled.  
  
"Thanks Oreos lets party!!"  
  
Oreos grabbed his K7-Avenger and attacked too. Sarge was shooting at the Komiz who would only flinch at body shots and get angrier at headshots.  
  
"The bastards won't die!" growled Oreos as he fired bullet after bullet into the Komiz guts. As Oreos and Sarge blasted their way past Komiz, Conker had slid off towards the computer console. He began typing rapidly. A Komiz suddenly loomed up behind him holding a magnum.  
  
"Boom boom…nyehehe"  
  
"Nyehehehe yourself smart ass," Conker grabbed his frying pan from the safe and smacked the Komiz in the…genital area….  
  
"(O_O) Owwe, owee, owww."  
  
Conker continued to type.  
  
The shootout had turned very soon into a fistfight. Sarge and Oreos dodged, ducked, double-teamed but a counter blow twice as strong struck each blow of theirs. Soon they were bloodied having managed to floor only one Komiz.  
  
"How much longer!?" asked Sarge as he aimed a punch at a Komiz jaw.  
  
"1 minute okay! Jeez…some people," muttered Conker.  
  
--meanwhile--  
  
"C'mon lets go!" itched Pyst.  
  
"In 30 seconds okay? Wait," sighed Chael.  
  
The platoon armed their weapons.  
  
--30 seconds later—  
  
"In half a minute I'll be done," thought Conker.  
  
--outside—  
  
"Okay times up!" said Stealth.  
  
They ran towards the corridor. Conker was typing rapidly as a bead of sweat formed on his forehead. 20 seconds left to deactivate the lasers. 20 metres left for the platoon to cross. 15 seconds. 10 metres. 10 seconds left. 5 metres. 5 seconds. And 0 metres left to cross…  
  
Percival tripped at the front holding the line up for an extra 5 seconds. The lasers were off.  
  
"Yes I am invicibal!" crowed Conker in his best "Boris" voice.  
  
"OKAY GUYS!! GET YOUR ASSES IN HERE. NOW!" 


	10. Long time no see

The 99th Platoon  
  
(A/N Okay long to make up for the previous short. Let me just give you a sampling of this new chapter: the first casualties. *Dum dum DUM!* Is it your favourite Squirrel (or Tediz) they is going to shuffle off his mortal coil? Or am I just desperate for reviews? Oh the dilemma! You MUST read on!)  
  
Chapter 10: Long time no see…  
  
*shack-CLICK BABABABABABABAB BOOOOOOOOOOOM TAtaTATAtaTATAtaTA whoop-SHWING ca-SLINK bbbbbZZZZZZIIIIIING*  
  
And amid the noise music could be heard.  
  
"*thump-THUMP* IT'S MY LIIIIIIIIIFE, AND IT'S NOW OR NEEEEEEVER, 'CAUSE I AIN'T GONNA LIVE FOR EEEEVUH, IT'S MY LIIIIIIIIIFE"  
  
After the smoke had cleared and the air, which was previously filled with Komiz blood, had settled both the platoon and the captives saw a welcome sight. Each other.  
  
"Privates," saluted Sarge. The platoon stood at attention and saluted. Sarge smiled.  
  
"Hey boys. Long time no see," The platoon relaxed and instantly they all began laughing and rolling around in Komiz blood for no other reason other than pure relief at their being alive.  
  
"Hey am I spoiling a moment here? I mean…ISN'T THIS BLODDY ISLAND GOING TO EXPLODE!!! SHOULDN'T WE BE RUNNING OUT ASSES OFF? Or should we just put our heads between our knees and kiss our bums goodbye?" criticised Conker. The reality of the situation returning to the platoon the quickly took off their packs and Chael rigged the place with the explosives available. The nuclear warhead was placed in the middle of the room. Asking no questions, for their objective was now obvious, the platoon armed their weapons and ran.  
  
It was not soon after their escape that the first resistance was encountered. A lone Komiz on patrol.  
  
"You know these guys are really pissing me off, here give me that," said Pyst as he grabbed a grenade. He ran up to the Komiz and shoved the grenade into the beast's head via the ear canal.  
  
"Say cheese ass,"  
  
*BOOM*  
  
"Alright I'm okay now," the platoon continued.  
  
They ran in silence always looking over their shoulders with trigger fingers twitching at every turn. They were right to do so. Around the next corner they took they ran, literally, straight into a Komiz patrol. Two Komiz totted bazookas.  
  
All Hell broke loose. The bazookas fired and opened a 5-foot hole in the floor. The platoon used the billowing smoke and fire to their advantage as they charged upon the Komiz weapons out stretched.  
  
Squeaky, Pyst and CuMiT in his beaten and battered tank marched towards the Bazookas. Faster than the Squirrel eye could see the Komiz had swung the bazooka at the trio and sent all three crazed and extremely pissed Squirrels into the flaming hole to land on the flaming debris below.  
  
"Squeaky!" yelled Ender, rage and pure hatred vibrating in his cry. He grabbed an arrow from his quill. Titanium laminate tipped. He leaped at the first Komiz he saw and plunged the arrow deep between his eyes making sure it passed out the other side of the head. "DIE! DIE! DIE MOTHER FUCKERS DIE!" he plunged, ripped and tore. He was blinded by rage. Squeaky his newfound friend had just been blasted into a flaming hellhole and was dead. His eyes pounded as rage started to cloud his vision and his thought.  
  
"Ender!" a voice yelled. Ender continued to plunge his arrows deep into Komiz.  
  
"Ender you asshole you're gonna die! Snap out of it! Snap out of it!"  
  
A blow to the back of his head brought him to his senses. He could feel brisk slaps across his cheeks. As his eyes came back into focus he saw WWW standing over him. Viper was right behind stabbing fallen Komiz to make sure they were dead. Ender looked down at himself. His eyes widened as he saw how much damage he had taken. He had multiple bright red slashes across his chest and his right leg was at an unnatural angle. He tried to flick his tail and found that it wasn't there. Viper walked over and whipped out his last med pack. He began bandaging Ender's chest and placing his leg in a splint. He began searching for Ender's tail amongst the red and yellow blood below him. A red warning light was flashing.  
  
"It was some fight huh?" whispered Ender. Viper nodded. "Where's everyone else?"  
  
"I dunno, I saw Sarge, Oreos, Flatfeet and Conker retreat down those steps, I couldn't tell where everyone else went," replied WWW as he applied water to Ender's wounds. Viper came back holding what was unmistakably Ender's tail.  
  
"This'll hurt," spoke Viper, some of the few words he ever spoke, as he leaned Ender forward. He got out duct tape and placed Ender's tail near the stump. He swiftly tied a band round Ender's tail and pulled hard pressurising the wound.  
  
"YYYYYYYEEEEAAAAAAWWWWCCCCCHHHH!"  
  
--else where—  
  
"Sarge the bombs haven't gone off. They found 'em Sarge...I think...we gotta regroup before the Tediz get organized and hunt us down!" suggested Flatfeet.  
  
"Dammit man! I just wanna go home. Where are all your boys at Sarge?" said Conker.  
  
"There coming, don't worry..." he said clearing his throat.  
  
"Ok then..." said Conker. He walked towards Oreos and Flatfeet. "Hey, your Sarge doesn't seem so confident, he's a clone!"  
  
"Nah, relax. I was with him the entire time," said Oreos.  
  
"Hey, you three, I got a game plan. Get over here," said Sarge.  
  
"Alright, what is it Sarge?" said Flatfeet.  
  
"Ok, Oreos, I want you to radio our boys. Once you got them all, tell 'em to go down to the basement and wait there. Me, Conker and Flatfeet will proceed ahead,"  
  
"SIR, YES, SIR!"  
  
"As long as I get out of here, sure," said Conker.  
  
"Alright, let's go Conker." The three squirrels left leaving Oreos alone.  
  
"Well, then best get on with it,"  
  
*FFFFssssHHHHiT*  
  
"ATTENTION ALL SOLDIERS! WE'VE GOT OUR SQUIRREL, MEET UP IN THE BASEMENT OF THE BASE, SO WE CAN GET OUR ASSES OUTTA HERE. Why are you still here? MOVE IT BOYS!"  
  
"I hope they got that..."  
  
--else, else where--  
  
Gamer, Cartman, and Michael had just found Viper, WWW, Percival and Ender when their radios crackled into action.  
  
*FFFFssssHHHHiT*  
  
"ATTENTION ALL SOLDIERS! WE'VE GOT OUR SQUIRREL, MEET UP IN THE BASEMENT OF THE BASE, SO WE CAN GET OUR ASSES OUTTA HERE. Why are you still here? MOVE IT BOYS!"  
  
They ran down flight after flight of steps, Ender limping along with WWW for support.  
  
--else, else, else where--  
  
Chael had heard Oreos' message and had gotten straight to work.  
  
"Okay Stealth, here, over there, yeah there that's it, here and right here, can you do it?" asked Chael.  
  
"Do Tediz suck?" replied Stealth as he drew his katana from its shaft.  
  
"No they blow." Both Squirrels began laughing at their own joke. The laughter died down as Stealth started the task Chael had assigned. He leaped into the air and landed with all his body weight onto the first point that Chael had pointed out. And the next. And the next. And the next. The linoleum floor was easily peeled back by Chael. He placed his last block of C4 in the hole. He set the fuse and stepped back  
  
--else, else where--  
  
Gamer, Cartman, Michael, WWW, Percival and Ender they had just reached the basement when Percival stopped abruptly.  
  
"Let's get…" started Michael.  
  
"Shhh. Can't you hear that?" asked Percival.  
  
*deet, deet, deet, DEET*  
  
"BOMB!" they all yelled as they hit the deck. As the smoke cleared the 2 metre sized hole in the ceiling became visible. Stealth flipped through and landed with expertise and grace. Chael landed…with not as much grace.  
  
"Hey dudes. We found a short cut to the basement," he said as he rubbed his backside.  
  
The rest of the platoon arrived momentarily. Sarge stood apart from the platoon as they caught up on what happened and what they should do. Suddenly in walked in…  
  
"Pyst? CuMiT? Holy shit! Guys they're alive!" yelled Cartman. The two charred figures stood in the doorway to the basement with matching smiles on their faces. They looked as though they had the time of their life.  
  
"Sarge! I forgot to mention it before we were ambushed way back by the prison cells but I called HQ and the choppers should be on their way right about now sir!" yelled Pyst.  
  
Ender walked towards them. CuMiT and Pyst's smiles faded.  
  
"Wh…where's Squeaky?" asked Ender, his voice chocking.  
  
"Ahh…umm…we…he…he didn't come out of the…eh…" started Pyst.  
  
"…the wreckage. Yeah," finished CuMiT. An eerie silence followed broken by Cartman.  
  
"Sarge? What now?" There was no response. "Sarge?" The platoon turned to look at Sarge who had remained surprisingly quiet. Sarge's eyes suddenly lit up with what was unmistakeably rage.  
  
"NOW YOU ALL DIE!" he screamed as he drew twin CMP150s.  
  
"Sarge, like, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?" yelled Gamer.  
  
"Oh shit, he's a clone," said Michael.  
  
"No shit Sherlock," said "Sarge". He aimed the weapons at Oreos.  
  
"Ah crap, why do I always go first?"  
  
*BLAM*  
  
He fell to the floor.  
  
*KA-BANG*  
  
Conker shot the clone through the eyes. They all huddled around Oreos.  
  
"Great. What the Hell are we gonna do now?" whined Pyst.  
  
*KWAAAA-KWAAAA-KWAAA: INTRUDER ALERT, INTRUDER ALERT, ALL SECURITY TO THE BASEMENT KWAAAA-KWAAAA*  
  
A large group of both Tediz and Komiz entered the basement each with an AK47 on full arm. All the Squirrels were taken away as Oreos lay motionless on the floor. As the security was leaving one lone Tediz detached from the main unit.  
  
"Sometimes looks can be deceiving," mumbled WWW as he picked up Oreos and made his way down to the beach. 


	11. The one and only...

The 99th Platoon  
  
(A/N Okay so this chapters a bit corny (and with a "To Kill A Mockingbird" quote in it. If you find it I'll give you some candy…) but still I mean there's a lot of prejudice in this world so I guess it would affect this fictional one too. Wouldn't it? Oh and if any of the 99ners are wondering were this came from, I'll tell you now I wrote it on my own now. The title comes into play in the second part when WWW meets…the one and only…This chapters short but IMHO kinda touching. But in the end everyone's a critic, so lets hear the reviews)  
  
Chapter 11: The one and only  
  
It's dark outside. Through the night air the only sound is the sound of rapid and heavy breathing. WWW has lost all sense of time as he ran through the underbrush outside the base. Regardless of Oreos dangling completely limp in his arms, the rough terrain and his weak Tediz arms WWW pushed on into the evening. He ran, and he ran, and he ran. Branches whipped at his exposed neck and brambles and roots were tearing at the fragile sewing along his arms and legs but still he ran. Not even when his arms were screaming in pain and blood was gushing out of his feet did Private Warclat stop running. He could feel his primal Tediz instincts, the ones he had denied all his life, swelling inside of him.  
  
Anger.  
  
Rage.  
  
Hatred.  
  
The burning desire to kill, to kill anything. He stopped running and dropped Oreos onto the floor. He opened his mouth to say, "No use to kill him, he's already dead," but instead he said, "No nichacha slish slash deda, Oreiheci shay bang bang hyeeeh,"  
  
He bolted upright. He hadn't spoke Tediz ever since he swapped sides and joined the Squirrels. He slapped himself.  
  
"Snap out of it!" he roared. He grabbed Oreos and ran, he ran as though trying to escape the Tediz part of him and touch…touch what? There was no other part in him but Tediz.  
  
"I am a machine…nothing more…nutchi no ga…ego lip yame," he fell to his knees and did what no Tediz has ever done before. Private "WWW" Warclat cried.  
  
In the entire history of the Tediz they were nothing more than soul-less, mindless and crude beings. They were indeed killing machines with no purpose of existence other than to kill, to murder, to slaughter. He lay there crying and wondering how a being made of fluff, a substitute for blood, button eyes and sewing could do such a thing as cry, such a thing as think, such a thing as feel.  
  
"You know…what you're doing right now just proves 'em wrong," mumbled…  
  
"Oreos?" asked WWW. Oreos tried to sit up but managed only to turn his head to look a WWW.  
  
"You're the computer genius, you should see it first," he whispered.  
  
"See what?"  
  
"H…how can I say this? Um…look WWW, you're…you're not something the ordinary. To put it in your terms, buddy, you're an anomaly, a glitch in this…what you called yourself…in this mechanical programming. All Squirrels think that ALL Tediz are evil, that ALL Tediz lie, that Tediz are ALL soulless machines. With those tears…you've proven an entire nation, Tediz and Squirrels, wrong. WWW, you are one of a kind. You are nor Tediz; nor Squirrel you are…you are…you are Private Warclat of the 99th Platoon, fellow patriot, soldier and friend. Now, can you please get me…some help," whispered Oreos, the occasional cough interrupting his speech.  
  
WWW rubbed his button eyes, sniffed a few times and picked up Oreos again.  
  
"Alright buddy lets go," and he walked this time listening to the reassuring soft breathing of the semiconscious Squirrel.  
  
It was not long after, that WWW had gotten Oreos to the beach where he found HQ's medics and choppers waiting for them. He grabbed himself an AK47, stitched up his feet and ran back to the Komiz base.  
  
He was soon standing alone in the basement once again trying to clear his head.  
  
"So, WWW the 99ner, what now? All I know is that I wanna get off of this fucking island and nuke the bastards," he said to no one.  
  
"I couldn't have said it better myself Private..." whispered a husky and deep voice. WWW turned around. Sarge limped in to stand besides WWW.  
  
"It seems they froze my DNA and are able to make more clones. Hopefully when this place blows it'll get destroyed. I re-armed the explosives after the tediz disarmed them. We got...T-minus 3 minutes," reported Sarge  
  
"Shit! Only that long?"  
  
"Yeah. Look we gotta..." A sudden sound put Sarge and WWW on full alert. Around the corner a shadow could be seen approaching the basement it turned the corner to reveal a burned out figure unrecognisable except for the unmistakeable crazed eyes, the wide grin and of course the height.  
  
"Private?" asked Sarge.  
  
"Hey it's Squeaky!" said WWW as he ran to help Squeaky up.  
  
"Private Squeaky reporting sir..." groaned Squeaky. Sarge opened his last med kit and used up the last of his medical supplies. Squeaky rested for a few minutes and found that he felt no more pain. The only obvious damage was to Squeaky's fur, which was now a deep black. Squeaky stood up and shook himself, sending ash and burnt fur everywhere. He was now an ashen grey.  
  
"Ehh…It'll grow back. I mean I am the flamethrower expert right? Flame's like, yunno, piece 'a' cake? Do we have a plan sir?"  
  
"Look we are out of TIME. We need to leave and we need to leave now," Sarge spoke quickly and urgently.  
  
"HQ's outside," said WWW.  
  
"We'd never get the platoon there in time. But I got us a back up ride and I need your help to get it working," Sarge walked into the tunnel he came from and pushed the mech warrior into the basement. "WWW can you hack that mech's security?" But WWW was already at the controls typing away. In fifteen seconds he was done. The mech warrior activated and towered over the soldiers. The mech was more than large enough to fit the entire platoon and easily kick Komiz rear. Squeaky and WWW grinned.  
  
"I got dibs on the weapons system" stated Sarge. The grins faded a little. "But I need a tail gunner and a runner"  
  
"I shoot," said WWW.  
  
"I run," said Squeaky.  
  
"And now we got about two minutes till the big boom so...LETS GOGOGOGOGOGOGO!" barked Sarge.  
  
They all scrambled into the mech as Squeaky flipped a few switches and the mech sped backwards into a wall.  
  
";_; Heh heh heh...This babys gotta kick to it..." he tried again and the engines roared into life, in the right direction this time. 


	12. Sweet victory; Bitter loss

The 99th Platoon  
  
(A/N A real *boo hoo* a real…*snooort* tear jerker. Such a terrible cliché but hey I'm only human. R&R or loose 'em.)  
  
Chapter 12: Sweet victory; Bitter loss  
  
Squeaky flipped some more switches and the mech blasted upward, breaking cement as if it were butter. They sped past the cafeteria, the men's room, the lab, other miscellaneous floors, Komiz and Tediz faces alike staring dumbstruck, when...  
  
*CRASSSH krinkle krinkle krinle*  
  
They appeared outside the cells. Sarge pressed a button and two massive machineguns popped out aiming at the Komiz guarding the cell.  
  
"Seebaju to you my friends"  
  
*BABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABA*  
  
The smoke cleared to show the still standing Komiz.  
  
"SONS OF A...there still there?! Oh ho ho. Dey asked for it!"  
  
*BABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABA*  
  
There was too much smoke to see. But...  
  
*Oh nishi nishi gagagag! Ha ha ha!*  
  
*BABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABA  
  
BABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABA  
  
BABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABA*  
  
*Ha ha h...*  
  
*BABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABA  
  
BABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABA  
  
BABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABA  
  
BABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABA  
  
BABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABA*  
  
No sound was heard other than the dripping of the fluff that smothered the walls.  
  
"WWW. Shoot that cell door off"  
  
--inside the cell--  
  
Chael, Perceval, Michael, Stealth, Cartman, Pyst, Flatfeet, Viper, Gamer, Ender, CuMiT and Conker all sat in the cell miserable. No Sargeant, Oreos dead, Squeaky dead and WWW missing they had abandoned hopes of escaping. Then they heard the first crash. Then they heard a lot of gunfire. At this point, all past differences forgotten they huddled and said a prayer. But when the door blasted into the wall behind them, knocking the wall down and the wreckage falling a looooong way, it was almost brown trousers time. But the cherry on the cake was the mech that came in, walking backwards guns smoking. The platoon trembled as they looked at the hatch. It opened to reveal...  
  
"Sarge!" shouted the platoon.  
  
"Privates."  
  
Out popped Squeaky and WWW. Ender ran up to Squeaky.  
  
"Squeaky! Don't do that again to me you mother fucker!" laughed Ender as he had Squeaky in a half hug-half headlock.  
  
"WWW!" yelled Viper. He ran up to the Tediz.  
  
"I have found myself my friend," said WWW as he hugged Viper.  
  
"But...where's oreos?" asked Chael.  
  
"He's safe and is gonna be okay. Look I reset the explosives. We got one minute and a half to be far far away." The platoon, reassembled, now stood at attention but still eyed Sarge suspiciously.  
  
"Privates. I ask one last thing of you before we go home. Trust me. I am no clone."  
  
"Well how'd we know that?" asked Conker sceptically. Suddenly a Komiz hand that still gripped its weapon fired at Conker. Sarge leaped in front of Conker, the bullet hitting him in the shoulder.  
  
Michael, being the joker he was couldn't resist himself, started to sing.  
  
"And EYYYYYYYYE EEEEYYYEEEEEYYYEEE WIL ALWAYS LOOOOVE YOOOOOUUU OOOOOOO AAAAALLLLWAAYS LUUUUVAAA YOOOOOO!!!"  
  
"Proof enough?" asked Sarge bitterly.  
  
"Yes...Sarge," Conker saluted.  
  
"Oh and Michael, that would be funnier under different circumstances, I'll fix that shoulder the minute we get out of here. Okay get in that mech it's the only thing that'll get us out of here in time. We can all fit in there with a little squeeze. Okay get in. We only got a less than a minute"  
  
The soldiers and Conker loaded in. Just as Sarge was about to climb up and in…  
  
*BAM*  
  
The door to the room flew open revealing what must have been the entire Komiz army. Sarge started to slam the hatch shut.  
  
"Sarge what the fuck do you think you're doin'!?" yelled Stealth.  
  
"GO! NOW!" he yelled back as he slammed the hatch shut, his silver helmet falling into the hatch in his hurry to send his boys off.  
  
"But..." pleaded Chael.  
  
"That was a direct Order! Squeaky get them out of here and get 'em home! NOW BOY!"  
  
Squeaky reluctantly started the mechs engines up. Sarge looked at the platoon. They all stare at him. He smiles, gives a salute then leap off the mech.  
  
"What the fuck are you doing Squeaky!? You can't leave him!" Flatfeet yelled as he tried to punch Squeaky. Ender and CuMiT stopped him.  
  
"We gotta leave," he whispered. The jets started up and the mech flew off. The soldiers turned to see Sarge punching Komiz after Komiz beating, kicking and biting. He was outnumbered. They swarmed over him. He tried to push them back with his one good arm. Bruised and bloodied the last thing the soldiers saw as the mech flew speeding over the ocean, HQ's choppers in tow, was Sarge grabbing as many Komiz as he could and running out the blasted wall, falling towards the jagged rocks 30 stories below. Then it was too far to see anything else.  
  
"Sarge..." whispered the platoon as they looked at the receding island behind them.  
  
Inaudibly Squeaky spoke to himself, "Sorry Sarge..."  
  
20 seconds later the whole island exploded, as a pillar of black smoke rose from what used to be an island. The mech and the choppers kept on flying. Flying back home… 


	13. Sarge's heroes

The 99th Platoon  
  
(A/N Okay, okay so sue me the title isn't mine but it sounds good and has to do with the context sooo…here goes. The last chapter of my first ever fan fiction novel. p.s. Don't yell at me if I got the medals wrong. p.p.s So its corny! So it's a cliché but who cares? It's good reading! So R&R!)  
  
Chapter 13: Sarge's Heroes  
  
--2 days later--  
  
The platoon, including Oreos who was in a wheel chair, surround a tombstone in the cemetery dedicated to soldiers lost on the field. An inscription on the tombstone says, "Sargeant Rico. 1965-2002." A photo taken a few years ago showed Sarge. The platoon stood in silence. A breeze picked up. The platoon drew their coats close. Squeaky walked up and left a shiny steel helmet near the tombstone. Squeaky stood by the tombstone, silent.  
  
"We didn't mean what we said back there. We were just…upset, I mean it wasn't your fault Squeaky...you know that right?" said Oreos.  
  
Squeaky stood still and remained silent.  
  
"He wanted us ALL to get off that island..." said Michael.  
  
"...to get back home..."continued Gamer.  
  
"...back to loved ones," finished Flatfeet  
  
"He did it for us," CuMiT nodded.  
  
"Tediz and squirrels alike," agreed WWW.  
  
"We're alive because of him," said Chael.  
  
"He kept the team together..."commented Percival.  
  
"And he was a good guy, yunno, he wasn't some tight ass General," stated Pyst.  
  
"We did a good job, buddy" Ender said.  
  
"And that's what matters don't it?" pondered Stealth.  
  
"We did what we came for Squeaky, and we're alive," answered Cartman.  
  
"Bloody hell why do I follow orders? To the bloody last letter. To the last letter dammit," asked Squeaky.  
  
"If we didn't obey his last order..." started Viper.  
  
"…it'd be an insult to his memory," said Conker as he walked up behind the platoon.  
  
"I guess you guys are right. C'mon. Lets go," as Squeaky said this the platoon got into their separate vehicles and went to their separate homes.  
  
--The next day--  
  
It was a ceremonial service to honour the achievements of the 99th Platoon. The way it was done up Sarge would have called it a Bigwig wannabe get together. Sarge had no family so no one in the audience knew that he was missing. The Minister of Defence, a fat red and pompous Squirrel was speaking at a podium.  
  
"...but none of these achievements I have just now relayed to you would have happened without the following service of these good men. Privates:  
  
Oreos, Squeaky, Michael W., Gamer, Flatfeet, CuMiT, Warclat, Chael, Percival, Gores, Ender, Stealth, Cartman and Viper. They are all awarded with the Silver Star, a medal of honour, the Purple Heart and the rank of Corporal. Also Private Warclat is awarded Squirrel citizenship and is now considered a full fledged member of this fine country."  
  
The crowd applauded.  
  
"But this was a mission that started with 15 men. One of them is not with us today. His name was Sargeant Rico…" The Minister barely knew Sarge but he still managed to give a 15-minute speech on Sarge. "…so a moment of silence for our brother in arms, Sargeant Rico."  
  
The squad looked down, medals now lining their attire. The crowd did the same. All was still. Quiet. Deathly quiet.  
  
*THU-nk*  
  
A member of the audience, not looking up, whispered, "Shhhh!"  
  
*THU-nk*  
  
A different member of the audience who was still not looking up whispered, "Don't you have any respect?"  
  
*THU-nk*  
  
"Would you plese be qui..." started the Minister as he looked up.  
  
"Who died?" asked the noisemaker.  
  
"You...you did!" stammered the Minister.  
  
Everyone looked up. There stood Sarge in the aisle between all the seats. He had one leg in a cast and leaned on a crutch. A cloth covered his one eye and his forehead. The arm that had been shot was in a sling. Burns and singes were all over his uniform and fur. A bandage was wrapped around his chest. He stared at his platoon with his one good eye. He observed the medals on the platoon member's chests. He opened his mouth to speak and his already husky voice sounded deeper and huskier than ever.  
  
"Privates...or should I say, Corporals?" he grinned.  
  
"SARGE!!!" yelled the platoon as they leaped off the stage, Oreos being wheeled along by WWW, and ran towards Sarge. They all ran around him dumbstruck and at a loss for words. Finally Stealth managed to say something…  
  
"How..."  
  
"Dumb luck. Pure dumb luck saved me from that atrocious atrocity. I fell on top of those Komiz and they broke my fall. In the last few seconds I noticed a mech next to me, downed by something or another. But this mech had been made out of titanium laminate. I scurried into the fallen mech unable to close the hatch in time to avoid being scorched. When I came round the place was a total wreck, all burnt out, except for my laminate mech. I managed to suck up enough power from the mech to fly to land. There a hospital patched me up and I hiked my way here. Wouldn't want to miss my squad turning into men would I? C'mon. I'll buy ya'll drinks." He gave them the hug a proud father would give his children and they turned to leave.  
  
Conker suddenly ran out of the audience towards Sarge.  
  
"No you don't Sarge. The drinks are on me. Being King has its advantages. You know I know this nice little bar near Windy called the Cock and Plucker..."  
  
The soldiers, Sarge and Conker walked off into the sunset their voices trailing into the distance. The crowd stared at their retreating backs unable to speak.  
  
--------------------------------------------Fade to Black------------------- ----------------------- 


	14. Credits

The 99th Platoon  
  
Credits  
  
Sergeant Rico "Sarge" Rodriguez: "Gappap" Private/Corporal Stealth LeVasseur: Christian "Stealthkiller300" Levasseur Field Agent/Agent 00-Oreos: "PatrickSim" Private/Corporal Percival Thornuts: Michael "Percivaal" Foster Private/Corporal Thomas "WWW" Warclat: Thomas "WWW.whydowecare.ca" Blight Private/Corporal Rick "Pyst" Gores: Matt "Pyst Dude" Bujold Private/Corporal Chael: "Chael" Private/Corporal Archie Ender: Omar "el maestro" Gutierrez Private/Corporal CuMiT: "JaKLINX" Private/Corporal Gavyn "Viper" Sykes: "Baldmonkey" Private/Corporal Joshua "Flatfeet" Evans: Josh "Flatfeet" Evans Private/Corporal Squeaky Fuzz Acore: Tony "Squeaky" Lucero a.k.a. "Zepa" or "Squeaky the Zepa" Private/Corporal Eric Cartman: "Lupustheflyingdog" a.k.a. "Eric Cartman" Private/Corporal Michael White: Michael "MichaelW" Whitcombe Private/Corporal Nick "64" Gamer: "N64 Gamer"  
  
--This story was written and directed by "Gappap"--  
  
The mentioned people are proud members of Gamefaqs.com, where this tale originated. This couldn't have been done without them (and me of course! ;) so a big thank you to all of those people and to any reviewers. So this is officially it! The big tamale. The big guacamole. The giant olive. Simply put.  
  
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-THE END~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- ~-  
  
No Squirrels, Tediz or Komiz were harmed in the making of this picture. 


End file.
